But why?

A question I am often asked by people, and often ask myself, is why did I create Alice?

I’m afraid I don’t really know the answer, but recently my memory was jogged to events that happened a long time ago that may give a few clues.

When I was 10, I persuaded my (girl) friend from down the road to swap underwear with me. I have no memory of why I wanted to do this, but I remember being excited about the prospect and enjoying wearing her knickers and vest (too young for bras) – but particularly her knickers.

Then nothing for many years.

Then when I was 19 and a student I bought my girlfriend some lingerie – a g-string, suspender belt and fishnet stockings. I recall feeling very nervous but excited about buying them, in Fenwicks in Newcastle. I was also excited about her wearing them and taking her picture in them: I still have the picture. I bought her more lingerie and we took more pictures. At no time though, did I ever wear it myself.

Later, when we lived together I continued to buy her lingerie, but her willingness to wear it and be photographed waned. Once while at home alone on study leave (I would have been about 26 by now) I remember putting on the stockings under my trousers to go to the newsagents to buy a porn mag. (This was about 1991!) I was so nervous, but excited, about leaving the house with such an illicit secret.

In 1994 we went to the Rocky Horror Show for the first time and I was persuaded to dress up, but I had to be persuaded to do it rather than suggesting it myself. Pictures of me from that night were later produced at my wedding the following year by my best man and passed around my family and friends! (Thanks, guys!)

Then, in 2000 with a new girlfriend, I started buying her lingerie and photographing her wearing it. Again, some beautiful photos which I still have. I guess by this stage, I was beginning to embrace more kink and we had tried one or two different things; some light bondage and sploshing (which had us in fits of laughter).

At Christmastime that year, I made her a video of me wearing her underwear which she fully embraced at the time.

The following year, while I was living in NYC, I took a pair of her knickers with me and took photos for her of me wearing them. This was mostly to feel closer to her. But, when she came to stay, I asked her to tie me up while I was wearing her underwear. At that point she said no, she didn’t want to and we never tried that again.

These were all relatively isolated incidents over a long period of time which while indicative, do not really form a pattern that would explain Alice.

It was not until 2012, when home alone for a few days that someone online remarked that they would like to see me in my wife’s underwear and dresses that the idea of Alice really came to fruition.

And, as they say, the rest is history…

August 2012

2 thoughts on “But why?

  1. Your honesty is refreshing, You may find that all this remembering and analysing is helpful, I hope so, but whatever happens you’re surrounded by friends and like-minded people xx


    1. Thank you. There didn’t seem much point writing unless I was honest with myself. Yes it is helpful: there is a lot to unravel and writing it out makes a bit of sense of it all. Yes, now I’ve found my “home” I’m perfectly at ease sharing this stuff.

      Liked by 1 person

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